dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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