I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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