Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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