Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
