that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
