I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
