ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
