does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
