he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
