it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
