it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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