i need an iv and a liver transplant
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
