You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
