ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
