awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
