its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
