Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
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Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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