k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
