is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
