Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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