So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
