he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
