Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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