I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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