I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
