Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
