my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
