maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
