She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
