I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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