Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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