Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
be right there i have to get my cape
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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