girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
