So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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