Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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