it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
bring money and cleavage
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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