Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
