Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
