she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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