I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
