Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
