His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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