It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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