Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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