It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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