i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
