I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's the barista slut.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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