Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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