did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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