How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pants are for mortals
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
