We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
