it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
