Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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