i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
