i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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