The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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