so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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