i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
