is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
