Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize