Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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