is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
