By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
