small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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