as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
