im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
