She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
